No. You can not stay up late.
No. I will not buy you that toy.
No. We can not have a dog.
It seems like I say “no” an awful lot. I know that’s its part of my job as a parent. I need to say no to things that might poorly impact Abby’s health and happiness, not to mention my sanity, but every once in a while I look at that sweet, imploring little face and I realize this truth:
Sometimes it sucks to be a kid.
There is always someone is telling you what to do, or more often, what not to do. Free will is inherent to all people, regardless of size, but big people have a way of making little people do what they say or suffer the consequences.
Although, for a kid, the inconvenience of being bossed around is generally balanced out by having all their needs met. No need to send two-year-olds off to work in the salt mines, though I know there are days…
It’s my job to be a bit bossy. And yet, sometimes I feel like I am saying no far more than I need to. Maybe it’s time I start allowing Abby a bit more freedom of choice. Within reason, of course.
For example, yesterday afternoon we were at the grocery store navigating the parenting mine-field called The Cereal Isle. Abby wanted Sugar Frosted Cake Crumbs, or something like that. I was trying to steer her toward the Kix.
I was about to say, “Nope, way too much sugar,” when I got an idea, a way I could say yes instead of no and teach her something along the way.
“Abby,” I said, “you can have any kind of cereal you want as long as it has 3 grams of sugar or less.”
She was so excited. “Any kind? Even Cookie Crisp?”
“Sure, as long as it has less than 3 grams of sugar.”
I showed her where to find the information and she set out comparing. We were both surprised to discover that Raisin Bran, at 19 grams, has more sugar then Fruit Loops, 11 grams. In the end, she happily decided on Rice Krispies and (fanfare, please) Kix.
It was all her choice. And I did not have to say no. Now I’m looking for other ways to say yes and help her learn to make her own good decisions.
But I’m still going to have to say no to that dog.
How do you say yes?
What a great idea! I am going to have to keep this in mind when my girls start asking for certain things. Right now they are still too little. The cereal of choice around my house is Cheerios and Honey Nut Cheerios lol…
I noticed that you had read the book about Marjorie Hinckley. My favorite part of that book was the chapter on motherhood. I love how she tried to say “yes” to as many things as possible. My parents were like that, too, but for some reason it’s something I really struggle with. I do ask myself often, however, “What would Marjorie do in this situation?” And the answer is usually “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Swen and I took a parenting course all about giving choices called Love and Logic. Like you, I find it so much easier to give as many age appropriate choices as possible, rather than giving a definite yes or no answer.
It’s So So hard. They ask for so many thing that you have to say no to. I try to be really nice about saying yes to friends coming over. I also say yes, we’ll do that tomorrow or we’ll do that next time we come to the store. Or yes, we’ll go to the pool but they’re closed today and then figure out a good time to go in the next couple of days. Sometimes I just need some thinking time before I make the mommy declaration of yes.