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I’m a nice person. I truly do not like to horrify people. I would rather not be the inspiration for nightmares in small children. And when a dog runs yelping from me with his tail tucked between his legs, I feel bad.
Which is why I choose not to subject the world to my winter white legs.
The way I see it I have three choices:
1-Keep legs fully covered at all times.
Pro: Not only does it cover my ghostly white legs, I could conceivably quit shaving.
Con: I already have enough jeans, I wouldn’t get need to buy new spring clothes.
2-Spend some time in a tanning booth.
Pro: A natural looking, golden tan
Con: Um, cancer
3-Use sunless tanning lotion.
Pro: If done right, a natural looking golden tan
Con: It’s hard to do right
For some parts of the country you could add a fourth option: sunlight, but here in Oregon, that’s not much of an option. At least not in April.
I choose option three. And I have come up with a couple of tips to keep from looking like an Oompa-Loompa (1971, not 2005).
First exfoliate. I know they say it on the bottle, but it really does bear repeating. Use a loofa or those scrubby gloves in the shower.
After drying off thoroughly, apply self tanning lotion.
I like Nutrogena Gradual Build a Tan. They also make a different formula just for faces. However, there are many good brands out there. Look for one that says gradual or light tan, particularly if you are fair-skinned, like me.
Go easy on knees, elbows, ankles. Think about where a natural tan is darker and apply accordingly. For example inner arm should receive less lotion.
While lotion is still drying, apply cocoa-butter over it. (I like Palmer’s, found at Wal-Mart.) The cocoa-butter does not seem to dilute the tanning lotion, but it does help even it out. Because striped skin? Not cute.
Once you are finished applying coca-butter, wash your hands or you will end up with orange palms. However, unless you like the “white-gloved” look, you’ll need to re-apply the sunless tanning lotion to the backs of your hands. But how? If you use your fingers, you’ll set up a never ending cycle of washing and reapplying. So, don’t use your fingers. Instead apply with a cotton ball or a disposable make-up sponge.
I know sunless tanning can be intimidating, but isn’t it better than the alternatives? (See cons above.)
C’mon, do it for the kids.
I fired the Girl Wonder’s therapist this morning.
Gasp! What on earth could she have possibly done to deserve that?
Nothing.
That was the problem. I didn’t feel like she was doing anything.
Many of Newt’s issues are resolving themselves quite nicely as as she adjusts to our new home here.
She is more cheerful.
We are seeing a lot more of her silly side.
She’s less worried about getting dirty.
And she is helping more around the house without arguing.
(All of these wonderful things give me more time to play with my photo editing on picnik.)
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The summer I turned 15 I worked in the spin art booth at the state fair.
The booth sat close by that ride where people get strapped into adult sized baby swings and flung out into space. And though I enjoyed helping customers shell out $10 to paint a cheep plastic frisbee create memorable works of art, I lived in fear that the chain on one of those swings would break. Not so much out of concern for the unfortunate passenger, but instead concern that my little booth, with me inside, would be in the path of destruction.
My boss, Vince, an old-guy in his late twenties, (remember, I was only 15) tried to assure me that those things rarely ever happened.
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Are you all as sick of reading about my house as I am of writing about it?
I’d much rather spend my time reading about how daring you are.
You all are fabulous! If you haven’t taken the time to read the comments on my giveaway, I’d suggest you scoot on over there and do so. While you’re there, enter to win yourself!
Oh, you’re still here? Well, I guess I’ll go ahead and show you my bathrooms. I might even have a WFMW tip to share.
So this is where the magic really happens.
For it is in here that I go from looking like this:
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I know I’m a day late. But I don’t think the earth minds. Really.
I’m late with this posting because I hadn’t quite finished the little Earth Day project I wanted to share with you.
Here’s my contribution to saving the world:
Isn’t it a nice way to save paper? If you’d like to knit your own TP, get the pattern here.
(Please allow me to interject here and point out that the preceding project will not really be used in the place of toilet paper. That was merely a bit of humor. And also that I recycle. Don’t hate me.)
Disclaimer:
The day I had planned:
Spend a happy morning enjoying my loving family and a wholesome, delicious breakfast before happily skipping The Girl Wonder off to school.
Finish tidying the breakfast things in plenty of time to leave my home and be early for a planning meeting for my church’s childrens group.
Meet Mr. Frantic for a lunch date.
Spend a few minutes beautifying my dining room and then leave to pick up my darling child for her first appointment with a new therapist.
After spending an hour in her office, we’d return home, with all problems solved, and enjoy a fresh, healthy and tasty dinner. Everyone would compliment my cooking.
After dinner, we’d spend time together singing songs and giving hugs right up until The Newt’s bedtime.
The rest of the evening would be devoted to fine chocolate, stimulating conversation, and possibly romance.
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C’mon in, this is where all the magic happens. (At least that’s what they say on Cribs. Not that I spend my time watching Mtv, but still…)
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****It’s 12:00 on the east coast (which means 9:00 for me). The contest is over. Click here to see the winner.*****
Bloggy Giveaways is hosting their quarterly giveaway (contest) carnival. Click on the image above to see a catalog of the fabulous giveaways out there.
Enter one, enter all. Who knows what you might win?
But before you run over there and go wild, stay here and enter for a chance to win mine.
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Hello again. Glad to see you!
Let’s get right to today’s tour, shall we?
Here we have my favorite area in our home. The area that I (somewhat self consciously) refer to as “The Library”.
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I’ve got some great things planned for the next couple of weeks and I thought you, dear reader, (name that book) might appreciate a heads-up.
So you don’t miss all the fun.
So you can join in the office water-cooler conversations.
So you don’t suddenly find yourself wandering around the kitchen in your bathrobe muttering, “If only…”
I’m that kind of gal. Thoughtful, really.
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