Okay maybe I would, but only for the sake of a good prank. And my mom? She’s only the easiest person to prank on the entire planet.
Like that time I was nine years old. I was playing in the backyard and found a dead bird. I don’t know how it died; it looked really, um, fresh. I stood there looking at it and thinking about how pretty it was. Even though it was dead I couldn’t bear the though of it getting eaten by a cat. So without really thinking about it, I scooped it up and took it into the house.
No, I wasn’t planning on keeping it as a low maintenance pet (really clean, but smelly). I had decided to bury it and needed to find a little cardboard coffin. And since moms always know where stuff like that is, I made a beeline for the kitchen where my mom was on the phone.
You know, the one that hung in the kitchen with a really long curly cord.
You had one like that, right?
Anyway, she looked at me with the bird in my hands and well, I just couldn’t resist.
Me: in a whisper so as to not interrupt her conversation, because I am polite like that Mom. Mom? Mom!
Mom: eying the bird and nodding at me Hmm?
Me: Look at this bird. It just flew out of the sky and landed in my hand. Wanna pet it?
Mom: talking into the phone Oh my! This pretty little bird just flew out of the sky and landed in Heidi’s hand. I can’t believe it.
Begins to pet bird. It’s sitting so still. It’s really tame. And so pretty.
Me: Wanna know what else it is?
Mom: Hmm?
Me: IT’S DEAD! BWAHAHAHA!
Mom: Drops phone and emits gagging sounds while running to wash hands
Weren’t I an absolute delight?
And no matter how often I got her, she always believed me.
Like the time I told her that “gullible” is spelled wrong in the dictionary. She was concerned that no one would know how to spell it right.
Or even better than that, the time I got Dr. Phil to call her.
Okay, so it was really me using a Dr. Phil celebrity soundboard.
Go ahead and try it out. I’ll wait….
Fun, isn’t it?
So anyway, she was so excited! Not a moment of disbelief, because she somehow thinks that I can accomplish anything. Even getting her a phone call with her favorite tv celebrity.
(Mom, I’m really not that good. But thanks for believing in me. It makes my life so much more entertaining!)
She was so nervous, she didn’t know what to say. Especially when “Dr. Phil” got past the small talk and told her he wanted her to start living as a gay woman!
All she could say was, “No, Dr. Phil. I don’t want to do that.”
Weirdness aside, that phone call was the highlight of her life. At least until I burst out laughing and burst her bubble.
And her reaction? “It was only a joke?” laughter, then “Well did Dr. Phil give you a recording of himself?”
When I explained that I really don’t know Dr. Phil, she cracked up and started naming all the other people she’d like “Dr. Phil” to call.
I’ve given her Alka-Seltzer and told her it was Sprite (just last month, actually), rolled her window down in a car wash (not a real prank, but funny nonetheless), and hidden her glasses and/or the tv remote and blamed it on her dogs (wait, that was actually my little brother, not me).
She always laughs. And being able to laugh at yourself is a really great thing.
I think in that way I might be a teeny, tiny bit (ahem) like my mother.
And it’s not so bad. I said it. So there.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I have some phone calls to make…
Oh, and in case you were wondering, the above photo is my mom modeling the white elephant gift she received for Christmas. She thinks it’s really funny, but it looks like my dad thinks otherwise. It looks to me like he’s taking it way too seriously. Eeewwww!
Check out my My Mom’s Funnier Than Your Mom series. It will give your diaphragm a workout. (Meaning the muscle effected by laughter, not the form of birth control.)
