A Surprise For Heidi

Once upon a time there was a Heidi.
Here are a few interesting facts about this Heidi:

• Though she is very well-read, Heidi cannot spell well.  She has trouble with words like “oppertunity”.
• Heidi likes black licorice and chocolate. Together.
• Heidi no longer minds infertility.  She is content with her family size and is happy not to have to worry about things like birth control.

This is what Heidi looked like a few months ago:

Sadly, this is what Heidi looks like now:

Please note the sleepy eyes, weepy tears, angry eyebrows, mouth about to erupt in hysterical laughter, slightly larger and tender tatas, and pudgyer belly.
Also please note that even Heidi’s hair is flipping out these days. But that is intentional.
Oh yes, and the red dots: Those red dots could be chicken pox. Heidi would like them to be chicken pox. However, they are most likely a proliferation (Heidi spelled that word without help) of acne.
Unless they are chicken pox.
Not pictured: Heidi’s mild nausea. And not just when she looks in a mirror.

Clearly something is going on with Heidi.
Heidi’s doctor has confirmed it. Something is growing inside Heidi’s body.
Care to guess what?

You have three chances.
1. Nope, not Renesmee II.
2. Alien, Sigourny Weaver style? Interesting thought, but no.
3. A baby-to-be?
Wrong again! Sorry, you lose.

Lucky Heidi! She gets to experience the feeling of being pregnant without actually getting pregnant!

The little bugger causing Heidi all of these problems is a two inch long ovarian cyst. Heidi is lovingly referring to it as her “Meat Baby”.
Just keepin’ it real people.

Today’s drawing looks like a Texas Longhorn. With Earrings.
Would you care to know how Heidi’s doctor plans to get rid of Heidi’s unwelcome surprise?
With these:

So to recap:
Heidi can not get pregnant. Nor does she want to become so.
But Heidi’s body is acting pregnant.
To fix this problem, Heidi must begin taking birth-control pills.
Irony, anyone?

Heidi is ready for her epidural now.