Remember how I told you that my social calendar was practically bursting with dates? Well, oddly enough, after the big double-date, my schedule completely freed up.
The surfer at work? New schedules came out and we didn’t have a day off together for the next month.
The cute fireman? His dad called to cancel our second date. The poor guy had to have an emergency appendectomy but didn’t want to stand me up.
Suddenly, I had nothing but time. And I knew who I wanted to spend it with.
A few days later, W came over to hang out.
At this point I knew I liked him.
And I knew he liked me.
But I didn’t know what that meant.
It was time to show him my fancy panties.
At least that’s what my visiting little nieces and nephew must have thought because they smuggled a pair out of my dresser drawer and…
Cut back to me and W in the front yard, washing my car. (What? I didn’t want him to get bored and my car was dirty.)
We hear the front door opening, giggling, and… wild, frenzied barking?
Suddenly, out runs Dudley, my family’s crazy terrier, and he’s acting even crazier than ever. He’s running, rolling in the grass and snapping at his tail. Only he couldn’t get to his tail because it was covered by, yup you guessed it, my fancy panties!
I was mortified, mor-ti-fied! I squealed, dropped my soapy wash mitt, and started chasing that dog. The problem was he didn’t appear to want to be caught.
I went left; he went right.
I zigged; he zagged.
I ran; he ran faster.
Finally, I cornered him by the rose buses. And then I grabbed
my his those panties and started to pull them off. Only, they weren’t exactly empty.
No, it’s not that.
It’s much weirder.
I started to pull them off and out jumped a bullfrog!
A huge, bulgy-eyed, very relieved bullfrog. In my fancy panties. On the dog.
(Confidential aside: Welcome to my blog google pervs. Please consider getting some therapy. Thank you.)
I screamed. W laughed. Really hard.
But I was in a pickle – should I laugh too? Or follow my instincts and go beat the living tar out of those children.
I decided to laugh, not only because it was funny, but more importantly, because I really liked him and I wanted him to think I’d make a good mother someday.
Oh yes, I had it that bad.
But don’t think for a moment that those terrible, rotten, nasty, and oh-so-creative kids were off the hook. I just held back my wrath until W went home.
[insert evil laugh here]
The next day W and I went on our first official date. When he came to the door to pick me up, who should greet him but two of the tricksters from the day before. This should be good.
Niece, right in front of W: “Aunt Hei-di! Your boyfriend is he-ere!”
Nephew: “He is not her boyfriend!” (My nephew was five, adorable, and hopelessly in love with me. He was planning on buying me a “white dress with diamonds” and marrying me when he grew up. The idea of me having a boyfriend was highly offensive to him.)
Niece: Yes he is!
Nephew: “NO HE IS NOT HER BOYFRIEND, STUPID-HEAD!”
Me: [highly embarrassed blush as I slink out the door]
Between the two incidents, the one with the dog was actually less horrifying. I mean, W wasn’t my boyfriend. I might want him to be… maybe. But did he want me to be his girlfriend? Just a few days ago we were H + W = BFF. Were we ready for just H + W ?
I got in the car and we set out on another long drive, this time to the beach. We listened to the radio and made small talk as he drove, but all the while I was silently praying “please don’t bring up my bratty little relatives…please don’t bring up my bratty little relatives…”
And then I opened my mouth to say something, I don’t know what, but not this, “So, did you hear my little niece and nephew arguing about if you were my boyfriend or not?”
Wha-? Did I just say that out loud?
He was kind of quiet for a moment.
Why did I say that?!
He wasn’t looking at me.
Was I insane?!
Finally, he spoke. Keeping his eyes on the road, W quietly asked me, “Who was right?”
Oh. My. I think that even my toes might have been blushing as I replied, “I don’t know.”
And then he reached over, took my hand and said, “Heidi, will you be my girlfriend?”
I answered with a brilliantly phrased, “Okay.”
But my smile? It was speaking volumes.
To be continued tomorrow (spoiler: first kiss coming up)…
**No frogs or dogs were injured in the events described. The children, however? They got an earful. And my thanks.**