And I wasn't even oinking!

On Monday I had to cancel everything on my calendar and stay home.
Why?
[whispering] I was sick.
It was not, I repeat, it was not the swine flu.
Please do not treat me like leper. I promise that my illness was not contagious.
I had actually put my back out, which resulted in a headache, which resulted in some nausea.
When my back adjusted all hysteria symptoms vanished.
And I was accepted into polite society once again.
*****
In honor of the possible Swine Flu PANdemIC, I now repost for your enjoyment one of my all-time favorite Adventures of Heidi stories.
Enjoy!

Heidi vs. the City Bus

Once upon a time Heidi was 15 years old. Or maybe 14. Heidi does not recall.

Heidi was aware that she was not cool. But she tried anyway.
Heidi was not aware that wearing your dad’s old sweater was not grunge. Just grungy.
Heidi was not old enough to drive, but that did not stop her. She had a ticket for freedom: The City Bus.

Spellcheck informs Heidi that “chariots” was correct.

Heidi rode the city bus to the home of Dustin Clock, a super-cute boy that she had a crush on.
Dustin lived on the south end of town and was therefore rich.
Heidi basked in his richness for awhile.
But Heidi did not enjoy it so much.
Heidi’s head was achy. Heidi’s tummy felt weird.
Heidi took her ticket to freedom and went home.
She sat in the back of the bus because she was trying to social climb. But not in the last seat because she was not that cool.

Heidi was glad that the bus was nearly deserted, because she did not feel well at all.
But then the bus-driver stopped and picked up three cool girls.
They sat in the last seat.
Reasons they were cool:

But Heidi stayed calm. She told herself:

But it was not true.

Heidi realized that she left handicapped off the diagram. She is sorry.
She did not leave handi-caped off. Anyone, handi or not, wearing a cape sat with the druggies and crazies.
Heidi tried to play it cool, but Heidi’s stomach did not care. Heidi’s stomach was acting like its parents came home early and found a party. Heidi’s stomach was yelling “Oh crap! My parents are home! Everyone get out!”
Heidi had no other option. She leaned over her seat and…

Shocked silence from the cool girls.
Embarrassed silence from Heidi.
Heidi’s stomach was busy getting grounded.
Heidi did not know what to do, so she just wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her dad’s sweater and stared straight ahead for the rest of the ride.
That’s right. She played it cool.
Because

Right?