May 2010 | Frantically Simple

Monthly Archives: May 2010

Potluck – All New – Travel Sized

Written on May 17, 2010 by Simply Heidi in Gratuitous Dog Photos, Homeschooling, That's So Random

That’s right, my friends: It’s time for another edition of
Potluck:*HeidiStyle™ – Now Travel Sized for My Convenience
*Potluck and all potluck related randomness totally stolen from Holly.

Legal disclaimer: Today's potluck is not shorter than average.
Instead, the words "travel sized" could loosely be interpreted as
"travel themed".

Now with more buttons!

…but probably won’t get one because, hello! it’s May and I’m busy.

In one week we had three big field trips, including a six-hour train trip to Seattle, a fish dissection class on the Oregon coast, and an evening in Portland for the opera: The Barber of Seville (Figaro-Figaro-Figaro!). Two of these events happened on the same day.

I thought Shasta was dying. She wasn’t eating and spent much of her time lying around the house. Turns out she didn’t like her new brand of dog food. I switched her and wha-la: she’s back to her old self, chasing squirrels along the fence line.
Newt ran a local one-mile race for kids. We are now training for a 5k – her idea. She confided to me that she likes racing, but doesn’t really like running. When I told her we didn’t have to do the race, she got all indignant and rolled her eyes at me like I was some kind of raving lunatic.

Despite the running, I am getting fat-ish. Stop Dieting, Start Potlucking

If you feel you must have a full post on any of these subjects, let me know and I’ll see what I can do.

Newt left this morning for a three day camp-out with her girl scout troop. I had planned to accompany her, until she *ever so politely asked if I would please stay home. Turns out she is ready for some adventure on her own.
Don’t tell her, but I was ready for some adventure on my own too. Apparently, adventure for me means Potluck.

Besides, who could eat s’mores after viewing this?

*I feel the need to explain that I was not being sarcastic there. Newt really did ask respectfully and politely for me to please stay away from her camp-out.

Attention perverts: I’m afraid I do not have what you are looking for when you google:

mom without her clothes
brady bunch girls wearing pantyhose
I could not watch my moms colleague pant

In all fairness, that last one might be from a pet lover and Mom’s colleague could be a thirsty dog. If so, I apologize for calling you a pervert.

However, to those of you who googled:

bad home perm
getting a home perm
permed mullet
permutation frantically perms

Sadly, you’ve come to the right place. But I was 12! Can’t we all just get over it? (By the way, not to get all grammar policey, but you should have put a hyphen in perm-mutation.)

It’s out of control. Clean laundry in a pile on the floor (shoved off the bed last night). A load in the washer, another in the dryer, yet somehow the baskets are still overflowing onto the floor. We have three people in this family – how is this situation even possible?

I really should be doing my laundry.

May all your s’mores be murder-free.

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And my dad could beat up your dad, too.

Written on May 7, 2010 by Simply Heidi in I Forgot to Assign a Catagory

I posted the My Mom’s Funnier Than Your Mom series a couple of Mother’s Days ago, but some of you are new around here and might not have heard. It’s true though, and if you click the link you’ll find out why.
If you don’t, you’ll never know why she asked her dentist if she still had gonorrhea, or why she told everyone at a family reunion about seeing her neighbor’s prostate scar.
Go on, click it.
Just put down that drink first. I won’t accept responsibility for beverages spewed all over your screen.
And neither will my mom.

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Do you know Nie?

Written on May 6, 2010 by Simply Heidi in I Forgot to Assign a Catagory

If not, you should:

Find her here.

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Potluck – It's what's for Dinner

Written on May 4, 2010 by Simply Heidi in I Forgot to Assign a Catagory

Do you all know Holly? Her Monday potlucks are pure blogging genius.

But guess what internetz:

That’s right, *y’all, Heidi is jumping in on the Potluck action.

*Can an Oregonian pull off a y’all online? Please?

Let’s begin with a couple of definitions:

Potluck – Whatever food happens to be available for a meal, especially when offered to a guest
Potluck – random, unorganized thoughts smashed together into one post and branded as a potluck

How about some background music?

I-I-I wanna rock-n-roll all niiii-iii-iight
and potluck ev-er-eee day…
No?
How about this?
We will, we will, Potluck – Potluck
everybody
We will, we will, Potluck – Potluck
Hmm… maybe we’ll just go without music this time, eh?

And now it’s time for a little story:

On Friday, Newt and I had plans to spend the day at Oregon’s Museum of Science and Industry with some friends. She packed our lunch – peanut butter for her, “surprise” for me. Several times throughout the morning she asked if I was excited for my lunch. When it came time to eat, I learned that “surprise” was a turkey and provolone sandwich with mayo and dijon on whole wheat. Sounds great, doesn’t it?
Except… I had my doubts about the turkey. It had been in the fridge for a long time.
When confronted with the choice of eating questionable turkey or disappointing Newt, I chose to disappoint her. It was only a sandwich, right? She’d understand.
But then I looked at her expectant face, waiting for me to take a bite.
That is how I came to spend all of Friday evening throwing up.
The end.

To the reader who found me, just today, by googling “simple Christmas letter to copy”, I say, “You have almost eight months, I think you can come up with something original.”
To both of you who googled “Heidi is not real” “I can see why you might be confused

but, I really am real.”
See:

Who would fake that?

How about something new:

I wore my pajamas all day today.

And now for another potluck slogan: Potluck melts in your mouth, not in your hands.

What’s up with Heidi’s laundry?
Baskets full, but not overflowing. One load in the dryer. Nothing else to fold or put away.

May all your potlucks be microbe free.

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