Author Archives: Simply Heidi

On My Mind – 1/30/2013

Written on January 30, 2013 by in On My Mind

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This girl. Last week, she suddenly grew up. When I look at her I no longer see a little girl, but I do like what I see. And I love who she is becoming. She is just so herself, you know?
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I saw this on twitter yesterday afternoon:


I must have said it 57 times, all the while thinking it was like that time in fifth grade that Randy Someone-or-Other told me if I wrapped my hand around my chin, grabbing it tight in a fist, and held it long enough my ears would go numb. I had the feeling he was trying to trick me so I refused. No matter what he said to try to convince me, I was not going to be fooled into following his instructions–until I got home that evening. A full ten minutes didn’t do a thing to my ears, though it did leave a giant purple hickey on my chin–a giant purple hickey that Randy Someone-or-Other noticed the moment I walked in my classroom the next morning.
I’m happy to report that Kiersi is far less evil than Randy, and that by the time I’d said “batteries” 58 times, the emperor put on his clothes and I heard it. Try for yourself.

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We are all suffering various degrees of illness. Newt has been sick, with one thing or another, all month long. Walt is recovering from a nasty cold. As for me, well, I just put my back out from coughing so hard. Some time laying on a hard foam roller on the floor seems to have put it back in, but I am tender, sore, and still coughing.
As a result, I have taken NyQuill for the second night in a row. That’s right, I am currently blogging under the influence. See if you notice a difference.

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Newt handed me a beautiful drawing last night, saying, “Thank you for taking care of me today, but I probably would have given you this anyway.”
I love it.
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She also drew this (she’s been reading my Edward Gorey books):
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This was Monday night’s fortune cookie. I hope it comes true, though I would have preferred it say extra-terrestrial, for precision’s sake.
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I still hate giraffes. Especially this one.

What’s on your mind today?

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Adventures of Heidi: Backyard Surprise

Written on January 21, 2013 by in Adventures of Heidi, The Way It Was

A little while ago, I posted the following important information on my facebook page:
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(Note: For those of you who may not know, Hannah is Newt. Or Newt is Hannah. Whichever you prefer.)
This posting led to a discussion about animals–including zombie rabbits, something about a dog and a Taco Bell wrapper, and the time I had to give a lifesaving enema to a chicken.
Yes, really.
Don’t you wish you were me?
You can read the entire thread here.
The discussion reminded me about some childhood shenanigans I have yet to share here. Since it has been quite a while since I whipped out my magic markers for an Adventures of Heidi Story, I did just that.

Adventures of Heidi: Backyard Surprise

Once upon a time there was a Heidi. On this particular day in her life, Heidi was seven years old. Heidi’s much older sister loved to sew for Heidi and put her long hair in rag rollers for beautiful seven-year-old blond curls. (None of that back story is relevant, but sometimes Heidi likes to say things to remind her much older sister how much younger Heidi is. Heidi can be a bit of a terror to those closest to her. She is working on it. [She is not working on it.])
Heidi, age 7

Heidi and her family lived in a house with a big backyard. Heidi’s dad grew a marvelous garden that attracted all kinds of hungry beasts, of both neighbor-child and animal varieties. One of Heidi’s brothers, just a few years older than her, liked to set traps for the creatures–and he often caught them.
Those poor children.
One day, Heidi’s dad came in the house with a treasure he had found on the garden ground.

Pheasant Feather

“Well,” her dad said, “it’s pretty clear what is eating my corn. Looks like a pheasant feather to me.”
And it was.
Heidi’s brother’s eyes gleamed with the idea of catching that pheasant. It was all he could talk about for days minutes.
Young Heidi didn’t really know what a pheasant was, but to hear her brother talk, it was something special. Perhaps even something like this:

Magical Pheasant

Heidi decided she would help in any way her brother needed. He settled on a plan to catch the pheasant the same way they caught frogs–with a baited fishing hook.*

Corn Bait

 

It's a trap!

However, the next day, when Heidi and her brother checked the trap, this is what they found:

empty

Clearly, more drastic measures were called for. Heidi’s brother decided to BREAK THE LAW. In other words, he decided to defy Heidi’s dad’s law to NEVER ENTER THE SHED WITHOUT PERMISSION.
Heidi’s brother sneaked the keys from their kitchen hook and entered the forbidden shed. He made Heidi come along because, as he explained to her, “If we both do it, you won’t tell.”
Inside the shed, the pair found just the thing: a live trap.

live trap

It was a wire cage with a trigger bar inside. If an animal stepped on the bar, the cage door would slam shut, trapping the creature inside.
Heidi and her brother congratulated each other on the fact that they would have a pet pheasant before breakfast the next day.
The trap was baited with corn and set far in the back of the garden, where it would not be visible from the house.
The next morning, Heidi and her brother arose early, eager to meet their new pet. As they made their way through the tall stalks of corn, they could see that something had been caught in their trap, but it wasn’t until they got near they were able to discover that it was most definitely not a pheasant.
It was a possum.
Please note, in Oregon, we do not say opossum, we say possum. If you say opossum where you live, that is fine–even though you are wrong.
The possum did not look like this:
possum

It looked like this:
Possum

The possum was not a happy little creature. The possum was a hissing and spitting ball of evil dressed in a giant rat skin. With teeth. Really pointy ones.
Heidi was afraid of the possum.
Heidi’s brother was afraid of getting in trouble.
“Let’s kill it,” he said.
“Okay,” Heidi agreed. “But let’s not hurt it.”
“Okay,” Heidi’s brother said. “That sounds good.”
You see, Heidi and her brother may have had murder on the mind, but they didn’t actually want to injure anything–even a soul-sucking rodent demon.
Their solution was to create a pair of weapons, items they could “stab” the possum with, but without actually breaking its skin.

Weapon of Mass Annoyance

Heidi and her brother (mostly her brother) crafted their weapons with more items pilfered from the forbidden shed (and the less forbidden silverware drawer).
Once their lances were ready they used them to poke the ferocious beast.
Heidi did not poke hard.
Her brother did not poke hard.
Both hoped the beast would sense their intent and oblige them by dying. That way they could avoid getting in trouble.
The possum had other plans.

possum mouth

If you would like to see a very accurate photo of what the animal actually looked like, click here.
After several moments of trying to annoy the possum to death, Heidi and her brother realized they needed adult help. They faced the music and told their mom about the monster in the garden. Heidi’s dad came home from work and shot it sent the possum to live on a rainbow farm, far in the country.
Heidi grew up a little bit that day.
She was sadder.
She was wiser.
And her smile developed a tiny hint of evil around the edges.

Heidi, age 7

Possums beware.

The End
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*Yes, we really did catch frogs with fish hooks. We tied colored yarn to our hooks, then standing on a highway bridge over a creek (because every successful childhood includes playing, unsupervised, on the highway) we lowered our hooks and danced the yarn in front of frogs’ faces. They always took the bait. We’d reel them up, remove the hook, load up our backpacks, and take home dozens of new friends. Isn’t that how everyone does it?

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Interview & Giveaway: Liberty by Annie Laurie Cechini

Written on January 13, 2013 by in Books, Reviews, Special Giveaways

Liberty by Annie Laurie Cechini
A STOLEN VIAL
Eternigen is the miracle drug that allows humans to travel in deep space. Seventeen-year-old space captain Tabitha “Dix” Dixon has the only vial of Eternigen in existence.

A RELENTLESS ENEMY
Eira Ninge always gets what she wants. She wants the Eternigen, and she’ll do anything—and kill anyone—to get it.

A DEADLY CURSE
Since Dix stole the vial, everyone she loves seems fated to die. When young resistance messenger Jordan Berrett steals her heart, she has to decide if it’s worth risking his life to let him get close. When Dix is involved, even falling in love can turn deadly.

A CHANCE FOR FREEDOM
If Dix can get her hands on more Eternigen, she and her crew can escape the solar system, leaving her dark past behind. But getting the Eternigen won’t be easy, and the bodies keep piling up. In the end, the cost of freedom may be too high.

As one of Annie’s critique partners, I’ve been lucky enough to to see Dix and her world evolve from an early version and I have to tell you: This story is so much fun.
It’s a Firefly-esque adventure for the YA crowd, with a tough and sassy female protagonist and a great cast of supporting characters. I love that Liberty is not your typical girl-blows-up-her-spaceship-and-is-rescued-by-a-cute-boy story. There is certainly romance, but it gladly takes a backseat (no pun intended) to all the action.

Available February 1st from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and your local bookstore.

Interview with Liberty’s Author, Annie Laurie Cechini

I love Liberty. Congratulations and good job! Dix has such a great, distinctive voice. Did she come to you all at once, or did she evolve in the writing?

Well thank you! :) You know, her voice and personality was always there from the very beginning, but the choices that she makes evolved and changed over the course of drafts and revisions, and I think her character has more depth now than when I started. I think. :)

I know that the setting certainly evolved as you wrote. You posted sketches on your blog of an early version of Dix standing at the wheel of her ship. It has a very steampunk, Jules Verne vibe. How did Liberty’s world and setting change?

Oh gosh, I only really had the image of her ship, and Berrett’s rocket pack when I started out, so it changed a LOT. In fact, my editor kept saying, “WORLD. BUILDING. And also, fewer all caps.” No lie. I really had to think about the kind of world I wanted Dix to inhabit, and how that would impact her choices and her story. Doing that, and then writing about that in a way that would feel like an effortless part of the story was my biggest struggle with Liberty.

dix collage

Freedom and family are big themes in your book. Would you say they are central themes in your life as well?

They are my life. There is nothing in the world I personally value more. Aside from, possibly, Nutella.

nutella

Liberty is populated by some really fun characters. I think my favorite (next to Dix, of course) is CiCi. Who was the most fun to write?

DUDE. Tough question! Um…I’m going to say it’s a toss up between Hobs and CiCi.

Flark! You came up with some great new psuedo-swears in Liberty. Can you tell us a bit more about that? Do you find them creeping in to your own speech?

I haven’t started using my own swear words yet, but my friends and family have started using them, which I find incredibly weird and surreal. I grew up around very intelligent, extroverted family and they made up words and stories all the time, so creating random pseudo-swears was fun. I felt Dix was the kind of character who would readily use swear words, but I didn’t want to alienate part of my audience. Flark and skud seemed like a good compromise.

lint licker

Can you share a little about your writing process?

Hmm, how honest do you want me to be, here? Because if I’m being really honest, it takes me most of the morning to overcome the I CAN’T DO IT resistance. And then I sit down at my desk with my cup of hot chocolate and a blanket and a space heater (why oh why did I ever leave California?) and then I stare at the screen, and play with my phone (read: TWITTER!). And then I get my playlist going, and eventually I start trying to tackle a scene or two. Once I get going, I can crank out the words pretty fast, and I love having a draft to fiddle with and revise. It’s just getting that draft that slays me. Every. Single. Time. Bribery and SUPER awesome fellow writers sprinting with me helps me stay motivated when I want to be all like: INTERNET. FOREVER.

internet

What does a typical day in the life of Author Annie look like?

Oh my. Lots of writing, revising, pacing, praying, more revising, trying to think up clever jokes to wow my friends with on social media, the occasional meltdown over whether or not I’m a lousy writer…the usual. :D It’s surprising to discover the kinds of mind games I have to use on myself to weasel out a fun story. I do spend a part of every day telling my inner critic to stuff it until the first draft is done, and sometimes I go for walks to try and work out kinks in the plot or dialogue. I may or may not be seen mumbling to myself as I walk along fixing said plot or dialogue. There is a very good reason why people think writers are crazy. Hint: WE ARE.

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If Liberty were to be made into a movie, who would be your dream cast?

Wow. You know, I’ve never actually thought about this. I would love to have Charlize Theron play Eira.

charlize theronI will say this, I would want actual teenagers playing the parts of the kids, none of this hi-I’m-really-in-my-twenties nonsense. Not that I’m opinionated on the subject or anything. :D

Is there anything else you would like us to know?

GEESE ARE EVIL.
evil geese

(You asked. People should know. Parks should come with warning signs: Here resides the Spawn of Evil. Do not throw bread crumbs or they will attack your children and scar them for ALL ETERNITY).

man-vs-wild-goose

Also, Liberty comes out February 1st. There may be laser tag. :) Thanks for checking it out! And thanks for the interview, Heidi!

Liberty Giveaway

Note: The giveaway is now closed. Congratulations Marian! You are going to love it.

Want to win your own ebook copy? All you have to do in answer the following question in the comments:

What is your favorite constellation?

I’ll choose a winner at random next Monday, January 21st.

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Annie Laurie Cechini is a connoisseur of every type of geekery. She signs books with a sonic screwdriver, owns a Tribble named Nimoy, and often threatens in all seriousness to name a child after a character from the Star Wars lexicon. Her first novel, LIBERTY, will be released through Rhemalda Publishing on February 1st, 2013. Annie also co-authored and produced CHRISTMAS WISHES, an anthology that benefits the family of murder victim Sam LaCara.

Connect with Annie on her blog, Twitter, and Facebook.

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P.S. I just heard from Annie’s publisher that the ebook of Liberty is available early. If you don’t win it, head over to Amazon or Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy or pre-order it in print.

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2012: A Heidi Retrospective

Written on December 31, 2012 by in Blogging, Books, Where I live

2012 Collage
I love looking back on the year’s photos, trying to decide which ones can accurately sum up my family’s experience. Some shots, like the things they represent, are fairly universal: trips we’ve taken, achievements, and milestones. Others are uniquely ours, like the time our new dog tried to dig up our old dog. I hope you enjoy looking back with me.

 

Frantically Simple’s Top Five Visited Posts in 2012

How to make Healthy (and Clumpy) Granola
Originally posted in August 2011,  Pageviews in 2012 (as of 12/30): 9,542  Total pageviews: 45,310
How many days are there in August?
Originally posted in May 2008,  Pageviews in 2012: 7,101  Total pageviews: 13,240
How to Make Homemade Frozen Yogurt
Originally posted in September 2009,  Pageviews in 2012: 5,457  Total pageviews: 5,641
Dr. Who Free Printable Valentines
Originally posted in February 2012,  Pageviews in 2012: 5,021
Valentine’s Day Heart Garland
Originally posted in February 2012,  Pageviews in 2012: 4,842

You all really like your granola.

Note: If you are interested in stats, my all time highest viewed post is An Enchanting Garden with 54,734 pageviews. Originally posted in September 2009.

 

My Favorite Five Posts 

*Ahem* Please Prepare for a Teeny-Tiny Announcement
A short but sweet post where I announced signing with my agent–certainly a highlight this year.
Homemade Magic Shell Ice Cream Topping
If you only knew how many times I have made this–for Walt and Newt, of course.
In Which We Explore Heidi’s Fear of Dolls (And Giraffes)
A fairly new post, but a fun one. I am capable of being amused by my own misery and horror.
Secret Doctor Who Bedroom Makeover
I love the video showing Newt’s reaction to her room makeover. As the mother of a tween, home-runs are few and far between. This one sailed right out of the park.
Winter’s End
A more serious post from last January, but it absolutely deserves its place on this list. 2011 was painful in many ways that I was unable or unwilling to share publicly. In this post, I talk about depression, hope, and healing. Nearly a year later, I’m happy to state that, well, I’m happy.

 

Five Books I Liked Most A Lot

I really do have a hard time picking favorites in any category. I’m too changable and what I really love is variety. If you were to ask me for my top five next week, this list might be different. However, these were certainly books that I read and loved in 2012.

The Night Circus
The Peculiar
Seraphina
Wonder
The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making

Before this year, I’ve never tried to keep track of how many books I read. A friend suggested we set reading goals in 2012. I picked 60 books, but blew past that in July. I finished the year with having read 91 books (manuscripts included).
The first book I read this year was Why Women Need Fat: How “Healthy” Food Makes Us Gain Excess Weight and the Surprising Solution to Losing It Forever (a compensated review from BlogHer Book Club). As of this writing it looks like the last book of the year will be Leaving the Bellweathers.

 

Resolutions?

I’ve stated this before, but I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions. If I need to make a change, I change it. If I want to set a goal, I set it. January 1st holds no magic to guarantee success. If anything, the opposite is true.
However, I will make a prediction:
I expect my 2013 will be extraordinary in every sense of the word.
I hope yours is too.

Happy New Year!
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Note: I am using Amazon affiliate links, but I’d really prefer you buy books from your local bookseller. They would prefer that too.

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On My Mind: Christmas Eve Edition

Written on December 24, 2012 by in Family Activities, On My Mind

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toy drive santa
Last night, for the third year in a row, we were able to help with the police toy drive. Walt opted to be the police escort instead of donning the Santa suit this year. Newt and I were still Santa’s helpers though. Near the end of our toy delivery route, it started raining. Hard. By the end of the night, we were cold, damp, and very happy. I’m so glad we are able to have our girl be a part of this every year.

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Later tonight, we will roast hotdogs (chicken apple sausage for me) and marshmallows in the fireplace and open two gifts each. I suspect (like every other year) they will be new pajamas and books. Tomorrow morning we will have homemade cinnamon rolls and more presents! Later, Walt’s mom will join us for a prime rib dinner and a trip to the movies–Le Mis this year.
I can’t tell you how much I enjoy our little low key, happy traditions. Very merry, indeed.

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A movie on Christmas Day has been a tradition for Walt and I since our very first Christmas together–when we had been married for a full 15 days. Of course, when Hannah was born, she came along. The first year, she was two months old. We saw Castaway.
The Christmas after Walt’s dad passed away, we invited his mom to join us for Voyage of the Dawn Treader. It was the first movie she had seen in the theater since the premier weekend of Star Wars: A New Hope.
Seriously.

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Remember this guy? Baby Elvis in a manger?
cookies
I still have him and I smile every time I see him.

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I got one gift a little early this month when I sold my SUV and bought a car. I have officially exited young motherhood fully intact. It’s a good feeling.

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You have to watch this video made by a friend. Trust me. You won’t regret it.

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Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays–take your pick. Whatever your choice, know that my family and I wish you and yours the very best.

Warm wishes,
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How To Turn A Barbie Doll Into A Weeping Angel

Written on December 21, 2012 by in I Forgot to Assign a Catagory, She's Crafty...

We have a little tradition of making one homemade present for each other every Christmas. Several weeks ago, in order to gather a key component of my gift for Newt, I put out a call for help on Facebook:

Anyone have a jointed-arms Barbie needing a home? She can be ugly, naked, scribbled on, and/or ratty haired. I just need her arms to move. Working on a craft project/Christmas present for Newt.
(Don’t you wish I was your Secret Santa?)

People are fairly used to me being strange, I think. A few days later, a friend dropped off a sad, ugly, nearly naked* Barbie Doll, just begging to be made into something fabulous dangerous. He did not even bother to ask what I would be doing with it.
*She was not totally naked. She was wearing a men’s athletic sock. I don’t even know.

How To Turn A Barbie Doll Into A Weeping Angel

I looked up a couple of online tutorials for inspiration, but like I generally do, I decided to do it my own way. I don’t like to be bossed around.
If you are interested, these are the ones I looked at.
The Creative Crossing Weeping Angel
Wich-Crafting Weeping Angel

Both tutrorials pointed out that even jointed Barbie’s arms need to be cut off and reattached in order to properly cover her eyes. Both tutorials also suggested using a hot glue gun to reattach, but somehow I failed to notice. I wish I had–it would have saved me many swears.
I should have glued them on nice and tight, then covered the joint with air dry clay. Instead, I just used air dry clay to attach them. Do not do this.

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If you’ll notice, I also have Barbie in a bottle, which I have glued to a base. I had planned to use the bottle method as outlined by Creative Crossing but later changed my mind. You’ll see why.

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Anyway, after giving Barbie some Popeye arms “reattaching” Barbie’s arms, I moved on to her hair. First up, a haircut. I trimmed it as closely as I could, then used tweezers to pull the rest out. Once she was nicely bald, I sculpted new hair with air-dry clay. I used a stylus to create ridges and add texture.

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I free-handed a paper pattern to create her wings, then formed them from foam core board and glued them to her back. (Step not pictured.)
Then I got ready to dress the little angel. I used plaster fabric–it is the same material casts are made from. Small rolls are readily available at craft stores. I happened to have a bunch lying around leftover from another project.

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Once I got the Barbie all dressed, I realized that the bottle made her look pregnant. This is where the swearyness began. I ripped off the plaster, broke the bottle off the base, and discarded it.

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Plan B: A lump of clay and a large skewer stick for support. (Sorry about the terrible photo, but I think it’s clear enough for you to get the idea.) Once the clay cured (a couple of days) I ran a bead of Gorilla Glue around its edge to ensure that it did not pop off the base.

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While I was reworking things, I decided to add clay to the wings in order to give them a more sculpted look. This was a great idea for aesthetics, but a terrible idea for my temper. The clay cracked as it dried which looked awesome except when whole pieces started falling off the foam core. I carefully glued them back in place, fitting them together like a puzzle.
Anger making aspect number two: The wings were now too heavy to easily attach. My glue needed time to cure and I could not hold them easily in place. I ended up having to use a lot of electrical tape in order to hold them steady while the glue dried.
If I were to make one again I would craft the wings entirely from sculpty (oven dried clay), forming them to the contours of the doll’s back.

20121220-231249.jpg

This was also around the time Barbie’s arms started falling off. Repeatedly. None of my glues were sticking well. It was lucky no one was home. I got more than a little cranky. Eventually, Gorilla Glue did the trick, but the arms were looking pretty rough. I decided to make my angel look like one of the more corroded ones from the episode with Angel Bob (The Time of Angels) (I did not know that off hand. I looked it up.) (Newt would have known.)
Once I finally got the wings to stay on the @%!# Barbie, I moved on to crafting her dress. This was one of my favorite parts of the process, second only to painting.
The plaster fabric is quite easy to work with. Just cut to your desired size, dip in warm water, and apply. It is very mailable and therefore, easy to form folds and ripples in order to emulate real fabric. Make sure you do at least three coats for durability. I also smeared a little of the plaster on Barbie’s arms and face to rough them up a little.

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Be sure to give ample time for all the clay and plaster to dry before painting–at least 48 hours.
I used gray tinted latex primer as a base coat. We just happened to have a can in the garage. (Side note: The only things I actually purchased for this project were the clay, wooden base, and foam-core. All in all I spent about $5. Yay me!)

20121220-231146.jpg

Once the primer was fully dry, I pulled out my acrylic craft paints. I thinned some black with water until it was about the consistency of ink. Then, working in sections to avoid drying, I painted it on, making sure to push it into all the crack and crevices, then quickly toweled it off with an old rag. (A paper towel would likely work as well, just be careful of paper lint/fibers.)
As a final touch, I used a mossy green color, to look like, well, moss. I stippled it on, sparingly, with a stiff brush, considering where moss would actually grow on a statue.
Here is a full shot of the completed angel.
Warning: DON’T BLINK.

P.S. The Weeping Angel is a copyrighted character. Please feel free to create these dolls for your own terror and enjoyment, but do not sell them. Additionally, I accept no responsibility for angel dolls or images coming to life and sending you back in time. I hope you enjoy 1941.

For other my Doctor Who-inspired projects, see:

Free Printable Doctor Who Valentines
Doctor Who Freezer Paper Stenciled T-Shirts
Doctor Who Bedroom Makeover
TARDIS Halloween Costume

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Bookish Gifts That Aren’t Actually Books

Written on December 19, 2012 by in She's Crafty...

If you love books like I do you may be wondering about the title of this post. I mean, why shouldn’t you just give books?
The answer: You should. Give lots of them. Especially to me.
But, if you want to give something handmade*, you might like to try one of the following ideas. That is, if you can get past the wanton destruction of innocent books.

Book Notebooks
I made these doodle pads for Newt for Christmas a few years ago. First I picked up a couple of used Harry Potter paperbacks and cut off the covers. Then I trimmed blank white paper to fit and had them bound at Kinkos. Easiest craft ever and she loved them. Win. Win.
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But what to do with all the pages?

Book Wreath
book wreath

book wreath
I made this wreath for my living room using these instructions. Wouldn’t that make a fun gift?

A Hiding Place
For your chocolate:
Eating Well Heiding Place

Eating Well Heiding Place 3

Secrets:
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Or even ironic storage for your e-reader:

The site where I originally found book hollowing instructions no longer exists, but there are a lot of tutorials out there.
This is a good one.

Other Constructive Book Destruction
This one is not a craft, but Wreck This Journal seems to fit well on a this list.
Newt loved her copy to pieces, quite literally.
Wreck This Journal

This is still my favorite page, though I think she may know a few more words she could add to it now.
Wreck This Journal
I wrote a whole post about it here.

What do you think? Are you charmed by my crafty creativity? Or horrified at my destruction?
What books would you like to creatively destroy?

*We have a tradition of creating one handmade gift for each other every year. Come back Friday to see what I’m making Newt this year.

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On Guns and Violence

Written on December 16, 2012 by in Where I live

I have a weird little quirk. Whenever I take a personality test, I always end up rather evenly matched between multiple categories. Years ago, I read The Color Code and did the test. I came out almost exactly even on red, white, and yellow, with blue just a few points behind. Love Languages? I’m all of them. Which Hogwarts house? Any but Slytherin. While we were on our little vacation I read a book to see if I were an extrovert or an introvert (stop laughing). The quiz had twenty questions. If you answered more true than false you were an extrovert. I answered ten of each.
I tend to live in the middle, among the shades of gray.
It has always been easy for me to see another’s perspective, to empathize, and even when I don’t agree, to see points of validity in their arguments. Sometimes this trait makes it difficult for me to make up my own mind about things. Sometimes everything seems reasonable.
Friday evening, Walt and I were driving together, on our way to run an errand. We talked about the horrible, terrible tragedy of the day and what could be done. We talked about guns.
I grew up in a home with guns. I have no problem with responsible gun ownership. I think families that are a part of a hunting culture can impart many good lessons to their children, like gratitude for the food that they eat and the literal sacrifice necessary for it to arrive on their plates. These lessons cannot be purchased shrink-wrapped from the store.
On the other hand, even in my own childhood home of responsible gun ownership, I have felt the fear of being threatened and harassed with a loaded weapon by someone who was not in his right mind. That kind of fear leaves a mark.
In my home now, we own guns. I have an uneasy relationship with this fact. They are unloaded, trigger-locked, and locked in a box. They feel dangerous even so, as they should. As they are.
Walt is a reserve police officer. When he volunteers his time and works his assigned shifts, he is the same as a full-time officer. Same badge. Same gun. And for me, the same worry, mixed with pride, as the full-time officers’ spouses.
He could be hurt. He could stop someone from hurting.
These thoughts were on my mind Friday evening as we discussed Violence and Guns and What Should Be Done. Walt laid out a very rational argument for fewer restrictions–citing countries, with less violence than America, that have looser gun laws. I listened, and thought about all the mothers that would not be tucking their babies in that night. And then I cited countries, with less violence than America, that have much more restrictive gun laws. And I cried.
I honestly don’t know what the right answer is, but I know what the wrong one is. Doing nothing is the wrong answer. Forgetting, becoming complacent, reducing this terrible act of violence to an internet meme, or using it as an excuse to be hateful to people who think differently than you, those are the wrong answers.
I have written to my senators telling them that I am in favor of stricter gun laws. If you have a position, even if it is different than mine, I urge you to do the same. Don’t just talk about What Should Be Done. Do something.
I hope we can find a solution. I pray for us all.

Note: I am aware that the issue of violence in this country is much bigger than gun control. There are so many contributing factors. This is just a small piece of it, but it is a piece that I feel I can wrap my head around. It is a place to start.

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In Which We Explore Heidi’s Fear of Dolls (And Giraffes)

Written on December 5, 2012 by in The Way It Was, Where I live

Yesterday, my family and I found ourselves smack dab in the middle of Sisters, Oregon.
What does one do when finding oneself in a situation like this? One must go shopping.
Newt requested that we get ourselves to a candy shop toot-suite.

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The last time we were in Sisters, there was a fairly large candy store, however, things will change when you are not looking. The location is now a handmade furniture store–considerably less tasty. We were informed that a local antique shop had taken over the role of town candy supplier so we headed up the road and entered the creepiest store on the planet.

Here is just a small sampling of why it deserves that title:

Hitler Stamps–Never Used

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The Racism Cabinet

The Hall of Sharp Things

All it wants is your love. And your soul.

Shirley Temple–Headlining in Heidi’s Nightmares

I am both fascinated and terrified by dolls. The way they stare at you with those soulless eyes…
(Note: I actually gave an involuntary shudder when I typed that. Just so you know.)

I have never enjoyed dolls all that much, though I can remember three from my childhood that I played with. The one I liked most one of those rag dolls that was, um, reversible? a topsy-turvy doll. Anyone remember those? It was a little white-skinned, fair-haired doll on one side, but when you flipped it over and pulled the dress down, it became a little black doll with curly hair. I liked her because she had a secret. I was too young to know about Siamese twins, but if I had, that would have likely been a draw as well.
(I found a picture of a topsy-turvy doll here. I also found this one and am now scarred for life. I dare you to click it.)

When I was eight, all the girls at my school were desperate for Cabbage Patch Dolls. I caved to the peer pressure and begged for one too. My mom hinted that I would get one for my birthday–and I did.
A homemade one.
My mom worked really hard on it and I love her for trying to make her little girl’s dream come true, but readers? That doll was scary. I could feel its painted-on eyes staring at me through the night. I buried it in a pile of stuffed animals and tried not to think about it.

The most memorable doll was the only one I ever really loved. It was a Kewpie Doll given to me by my grandma. Yes, I know Kewpie Dolls are among the creepiest of the creepy (in fact, soul-eater up there is one), but I adored my grandma and didn’t get to see her often. This time she made the 800 mile trip out to visit and brought something just for me. Being near the tail end of a large family, spontaneous gifts didn’t happen very often. I loved my little doll with as much fervor as any five-year-old heart could handle.
That very day we went to the zoo, another unusual occurrence. It was panning out to be the best day of my entire young life. But that was about to change.
I remember cradling my little doll in a blue handkerchief ‘blanket’ my dad loaned to me. I chattered to her about all the animals we were to see. When we went to the giraffe pen, I was thrilled to find that we could get very close to them. In fact, all that separated us was a chain-link fence. One of those incredibly tall creatures ambled right up to us. If I had dared, I could have reached through the links and touched it.
giraffe
It bent its neck over the fence, lowering its head toward me. I froze. It came closer, then closer still. Without warning, it shot out an amazingly long tongue, wrapped it around little Kewpie’s head, and *pop*–decapitated her. I remember screaming, looking down at my little bundled up doll torso.
My dad, who is short like me, reached as high as he could, barely clearing the fence, and throttled the beast. My mom started whacking it with her giant red vinyl purse. My grandma hurried off to find help. I honestly do not remember any siblings being there, but I’m certain they were, and that they were laughing.
Either the giraffe tired of the abuse or he found the plastic less appealing than it looked. He spit my doll’s head out and it landed with a thunk on the pavement. The last thing I remember about that day was looking down and seeing Kewpie grinning up at me, covered in a shining layer of giraffe spit.
This likely explains why, to this day, I do not like dolls.
Or giraffes.

Edited to add: In case you are inclined to doubt the veracity of my story, please go here for confirmation.

P.S. THIS:

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Pitch Wars: Meet the Agents

Written on December 4, 2012 by in I'm a Writer

Oh yes, it’s another one.

My dear, non-writing readers, to make up for all these contest posts, here is a rad picture of me:

mom was my stylist

Heidi, circa 1987

I realize some of you have seen it before, but it’s worth a second look, no? Give it a minute. Take it all in.
You’re welcome.

Pitch Warriors, here is the post you have been waiting for:

Pitch Wars … the agents!

Are you ready for this? We have 16 incredible agents vying for our Pitch Wars team manuscripts. We’re so excited to see what pitches they fall in love with, and what teams will win the coveted Pitch Wars Most Requested Manuscript title. 


And, in no particular order, here are the agents…

Louise Fury

L. Perkins Agency

Twitter: @louisefury 

Louise is seeking teen Sci-Fi and Young Adult horror.  She‘s also on the hunt for deep, dark contemporary YA and select Middle Grade fiction with a literary feel–it must be realistic and thought provoking and the characters must be authentic and original. Louise loves horror and romance, especially Regency and Victorian.


Jessica Sinsheimer

Sarah Jane Freymann Literary Agency

Twitter: @jsinsheim 

 

Jessica is seeking Literary, Women’s, Middle Grade, and Young Adult Fiction.


 

Twitter: @Natalie_Lakosil 

Natalie is looking for commercial fiction, with an emphasis in children’s literature (from picture book-teen), romance (contemporary, paranormal and historical), and upmarket women’s fiction. Specific likes include historical, multi-cultural, paranormal, sci-fi/fantasy, gritty, thrilling and darker contemporary novels, and middle grade with heart. 

 


Twitter: @BookaliciousPam

 

Pam represents young adult and middle grade children’s book authors, and adult romance authors. 

 

Twitter: @bluedragonfly81 

Jordy is on the look out for Romance (contemporary, historical/Regency, and paranormal). YA contemporary/historical or dystopian, sci-fi/fantasy with romance elements. She‘s also open to YA GLBT within those genres. She’d love to see unique, well-developed plots featuring time travel, competitions, or travel.

 


Andrea Somberg 

Twitter: @andreasomberg 

Andrea‘s looking forthe following categories: Fiction; literary, commercial, womens fiction, romance, thrillers, mystery, paranormal, fantasy, science fiction, young adult, middle grade.

 

 Jennifer Mishler

Twitter: @literarycounsel 

Jennifer is seeking Young Adult Fantasy, Young Adult Contemporary, Young Adult Literary, and Young Adult Historical. 

 

 

Suzie Townsend

New Leaf Literary & Media, Inc.

Twitter: @sztownsend81 

Suzie represents adult and children’s fiction. In adult, she’s specifically looking for romance (historical and paranormal), and fantasy (urban fantasy, science fiction, steampunk, epic fantasy). In Childrens’ she loves YA (all subgenres) and is dying to find great Middle Grade projects (especially something akin to the recent movie SUPER 8).
 

Victoria Marini

Gelfman Schneider Literary Agents, Inc. 

 Victoria is looking for literary fiction, commercial fiction, pop-culture non-fiction, and young adult. She is very interested in acquiring engaging Literary fiction and mysteries / suspense, commercial women’s fiction (romantic suspense, sci-fi, fantasy), and Young Adult (contemporary, sci-fi/fantasy, thriller and horror ).

 

 Kerry is looking for Young Adult and Middle-Grade fiction, both commercial and literary. She tends to shy away from werewolves, zombies, faeries, and the like, but she’ll read anything with a fresh voice and compelling characters. She is particularly keen on contemporary YA, quirky MG, books with a strong cinematic element.  

 


 Drea is currently seeking: fiction, memoir, crime, non-fiction and YA. Her roster consists of British, American, and Canadian clients. International talent is welcome. 

 

 

 

 

Katie Shea

 Katie specializes in fiction and memoir, especially women’s fiction and commercial-scale literary fiction, and realistic YA.  She is most interested in coming-of-age stories and stories of unique relationships.

 

 Elise Capron

 Elise is interested in serious character-driven literary fiction, well-written narrative nonfiction, and short story collections. (Note: She is not interested in Fantasy, young-adult/middle-grade, picture books, romance, and sci-fi.) She aims to work with writers who have a realistic sense of the market and their audience.

 

 Jodell is interested in YA, MG (especially funny) , fiction and nonfiction, book proposals, and picture books. She will also coach writers wanting to self publish.  She simply loves a well-paced story that moves her between joy and tears.

 

 Brittany and Michelle are teaming up to look for Adult, YA, and MG manuscripts. 

  Michelle Johnson

Twitter: @MJsRetweet 

 Michelle’s published one novel, The Footloose Killer, and edited several others for publishing houses and private clients. She also is a Script/Story consultant on an independent film in Halifax, NS, Canada, and enjoys working closely with writers to help them develop their voice and craft.

 

Brittany Howard

Twitter: @brittanydhoward

 When reading, Brittany  loves to be introduced to new and interesting people and places. She looks for strong voice, good storytelling, and fascinating relationships between characters—romantic or otherwise. More than anything, she loves when a book surprises her.

 

There’s just one more day to get your applications in for Pitch Wars. Make sure to check out this post here to get all the details.

 

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