Things look a little different around here don’t they? This blog is now a part of a whole new website: HeidiSchulzBooks.com. I have been looking forward to showing it off for months and am thrilled to finally share it with you!
If you haven’t taken the time to look through the whole site (especially that incredibly detailed map on the landing page, under the home tab above) go look. Yes, now. It’s okay. I’ll wait.
Isn’t it AWESOME?
All summer I researched websites I liked. Once I had a clear idea of what I wanted, I assembled my crack team of amazing designers. By that I mean, I went to two of my very talented friends and begged for the opportunity to hire them. Lucky for me they both said yes.
Annie Laurie Cechini created all the gorgeous and incredibly detailed original artwork. Drew Heacock brought that artwork to life with his amazing programming and design skills. (I’m talking dark wizard level skills. I asked Drew if he could make that beautiful clock actually keep time, local to the user. He wrote a program and did it.)
Two months ago, I sent them both a few pages of notes, including some drawings so rudimentary they would make a five-year-old shake his head. They took those rough notes and made them into something absolutely wonderful, as represented by the following figure:
I love it so much!
To celebrate, I’d like to do a little giveaway. I’m going to pick one of you to win the following two prizes:
A copy of my very favorite illustrated Peter Pan, the 100th anniversary edition with artwork by Michael Hague:
And your choice of a tote bag or t-shirt featuring the best pirate giraffe the internet has to offer:
You do not have to subscribe to my blog, follow my twitter, or like my Facebook (though, I mean, you certainly can do those things if you like). Instead, I want you to tell me a story. But make it a short story–I don’t have all day.
Please write a story in 100 words or less using all of the following words:
Bonus points if you use “AAAAAAAAR” in a way that is neither pirate-speak nor an exclamation of pain.
Enter your story in the comments. Next Friday, November 8, my agent, Brooks Sherman, and I will bicker and fight over them until we have agreed upon a winner.
Contest is open to those living in the U.S. or Canada, please.
Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
Need some piratey things to say? I’ve got you covered!
Aboveboard You didn’t know that was a pirate phrase? It is! When a pirate ship was sneaking up on a merchant vessel, the pirates would hide “below board” or below deck. If everyone was above board, all was honest and fair. I don’t mind if you eat the last ice cream bar as long as you don’t sneak it. Be honest and aboveboard and we’ll be fine. Just kidding, if you eat the last ice cream, I will gut you.
Bilge (Also: Bilge water, bilge rat) The bilge was the lowest part of a ship. It was filthy, disgusting, and filled with stagnant water and rats. The bad news: In a flat bottomed ship it was difficult to pump the stinking bilge-water out. The good news: Bilge rats were a good source of fresh meat at sea. I’d sooner drink bilge water than this rot-gut grog but go ahead and pour me another glass.
Cackle Farts Eggs. Those were eggs. Charming, no? Wakey, wakey! Cackle farts and bakey!
Galleypepper Soot, ashes, and other bits of debris that found its way from the cook’s fire into the food. These cackle farts are rather bland. If only they had a bit more galleypepper.
Holy Mackerel Another surprising term. Mackerel was caught in large quantities, but went bad quickly. Therefore, in the 17th century, it was the only fish allowed to be sold on the Sabbath. Holy Mackerel! This fish has gone bad!
Kiss the Wooden Lady A minor pirate punishment where a sailor was forced to stand, facing the mast, with his hands tied around it. Other sailors were encouraged to kick him in the hind-quarters as they passed by. If you don’t stop picking on your sister, I’ll make you kiss the wooden lady, young man!
Shiver Me Timbers I was recently asked about the meaning of this one on twitter and was happy to give a definition. Ships were made of wood. Large waves or cannon fire could cause the timbers to vibrate, shudder, pitch, or shiver. Used as an exclamation of surprise. Shiver me timbers! Did pirates really call eggs “cackle farts?” That’s…gross.
Shake a Cloth in the Wind To be just a little bit drunk. Shiver me timbers! Black-Hearted Jim shook a cloth in the the wind this afternoon. He covered all the holy mackerel and cackle farts with extra galleypepper and kissed the wooden lady–on purpose! That is not aboveboard behavior! Let’s put him in the bilge until he’s sober.
There ye have it, a few words to get you conversating like one o’ the dark brotherhood today. If you be still stuck for somethin’ t’ say, try out this English t’ pirate translator. Have fun. Celebrate. But keep yer filthy hands off me ice cream bars. I mean what I say about the gutting. Aaargh!
Note: I learned a lot of these words from The Pirate Dictionary by Terry Breverton. If you want to learn more, I recommend it.
P.S. I created a little Pinterest board for Hook’s Revenge. This seems like a good day to share. Ahoy!